Personal Metaphors

If I were an animal, I would be Wishbone the Jack Russell Terrier because I like stories.

If I were a car, I would be a Volkswagen beetle because I can only worry about a few people at a time.

If I were an article of clothing, I would be a thong because I make everyone uncomfortable.

If I were a day of week, I would be Wednesday because I'm just kinda there, stuck in the middle.

If I were a food, I would be a waffle because I'm sweet under the right conditions (syrup.)  

If I were a color, I would be grey because I'm fairly neutral and non-emotional.

If I were a movie, I would be I would be a slow, indie film, in which the protagonist doubles as the antagonist.

If I were a fragrance, I would be I would be Red from Bath and Body Works, because according to my pal, Whitzo, it's more mature and sticks around for a long time.

If I were a type of building, I would be a skyscraper, because while I'm down to Earth, I also have high dreams.

If I were a plant, I would be a tree because I seem like nothing can get to me, but if you cut deep enough, I won't recover. Which sounds really depressing, I'm sorry.

If I were a musical instrument, I would be a keyboard because its abilities are extremely diverse.

If I were a geometric shape, I would be a square because it's hip to be one.

If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a recliner because I'm pretty lax. 

If I were a song, I would be "I Love to Laugh" from Mary Poppins, because, well, I like laughter.

If I were an appliance, I would be a stove because it takes a lot to get me heated, but when I do I will burn anything close.

If I were a television character, I would be a combination of Abed Nadir from Community, Liz Lemon from 30 Rock, and Ron Swanson and April Ludgate from Parks and Recreation. Abed is a TV guy and understands a lot about it, Liz is a writer and extremely flustered all of the time, Ron likes bacon, and April dislikes people.

If I were a season of the year, I would be Winter because I like cozy things and Winter is cozy.

If I were a natural phenomenon, I would be the Monarch butterfly migration because I am *sarcastic tone* simply awe-inspiring.

I I were a comic book character, I would be I would be Captain America because even though he will fight, he doesn't like it. He does it because that's his duty and he's fighting for what he loves.

If I were a word, I would be whimsical because I'm fairly bizarre.