Never Say Goodbye

Goodbye is one of the most heartbreaking words a person can say. In fact, even though the common farewell in France is au revoir, they also use “vous manquez de moi” as a common way to say goodbye, which means “you are missing from me.” Which I think is a very true representation of why goodbye is such a hard thing to say. To be separated from someone important to you is never easy.

The hardest farewell that I have ever experienced was actually a time I did not say goodbye at all. My grandpa had been feeling under the weather for a few weeks before my grandma finally took him to the hospital. It was no big deal really, the doctors told my family that they just wanted to keep him over night to double check and make sure everything was okay. Early that morning, my grandma got a call that they had moved my grandpa to a new floor, but the details were not shared. When they went to the hospital that day, the elevator doors opened to the words “Intensive Care Unit.”

My dad called me out of school that day to drive to Springfield with my brother. We still were not really sure what was going on, just that my grandpa had taken a turn for the worst that night.

When we finally arrived, the ICU was closed. For the first few hours, we joined my family in the waiting room until we could go in. When we were able to go in, my brother, dad, and I visited with my grandpa for only a few short minutes. I do not remember a lot from that conversation, but I do remember one thing he said to me. He told me not to give up what I love. I feel like this is a fitting example of my relationship with my grandpa. He always encouraged what I love, even when I did not think I could do it.

As we were leaving, I remember smiling through tears that threatened to spill as I said, “See you later, Grandpa.” Had I known that those would have been my last words to the man that meant so much to my life, I would have made them better. I would have told him how much I appreciated the support he was for me, the laughter he brought to my life, and most importantly I would have thanked him for being the most wonderful grandpa a girl could ask for.

That is the thing about goodbyes though; you never know when they will be permanent. The fact that you might never see someone again is a hard thing to accept, and I think that is why goodbye is so hard. The dooming sense of permanency is one that is incredibly difficult to handle. So even though he is missing from me, I will see my grandpa later, and that makes all of this just a little bit easier.