- I'm worried that I've screwed something up for you. I'm truly sorry if this is the case. I worry about everything though, so I wouldn't look too much into it.
- I'm currently planning to be a writer or an actress for TV. If this hasn't worked out, I understand.
- I grow more and more in love with the idea of New York City every day.
- I have no clue where I am going to college or what I will do there. Hopefully by now you've figured that out.
- I'm currently preparing for a play, which is really fun. I hope you've done more of that.
- I have severe anxiety. I hope you've figured that out.
- I really like TV. 30 Rock ended a few months ago, I am sure you remember what that was like.
- I love music. I am almost positive you haven't forgotten that, but if you have here's your reminder.
- I am super busy all of the time. I can only wish that you've gotten that out of your system. Being home once in awhile is nice and I hope you're able to do that.
- You are a procrastinator because of me, and I apologize for that. I've expected too much of myself these past 11 years in school, and when I can't achieve that, I become disheartened and now I have a tendency to put off that failure as long as possible. Maybe you've grown out of that, but I think it's a safe bet that you haven't.
- I love to write. Hopefully you have not abandoned that desire.
- I hope you continue to learn from every experience you have.
- Remember The Fault in Our Stars. It has taught me a lot about life in general and it has been a big part of your life.
- Boredom is useless. This is such a big world and you haven't seen any of it really.
- Don't forget how beautiful simplicity is. Little things make life worth living.
- Remember to watch people. Little things they do can help you learn so much about them, and that's a wonderful thing.
- You currently wear a lot of neutral colors. Whites and greys make up a lot of your wardrobe.
- In 2013, you were nervous about all of the years to come. Hopefully you have grown out of that.
- Remember that everyone has something in their life and past that is probably worth collapsing to the ground in an uncontrollably sobbing heap over, so be nice to each other and tell good jokes.
- You quote a lot of TV. Please tell me you haven't changed that.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Gone But Never Forgotten
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Hey, Bay. It's Bay.
ReplyDelete1. You didn't screw up anything. You were doing your best with what you were given. You went through things you shouldn't have had to and you're so much stronger than you ever knew. You're still anxious about those things, and that's okay. I'm so grateful for you.
2. You're going to be a graphic designer. Maybe. Probably. It's what you're good at. You're still kind of writing. Either way, you're going to be okay.
3. DUDE! You went to New York with some of the best friends you could ever have imagined. People who get you and still somehow love you. It was everything it's cracked up to be, the good and the bad. But maybe go somewhere else.
4. You went to Drury University. You graduate in exactly a month. You met the best people and the worst people. You had the best times ever and some pretty deep lows. You've grown and learned and found yourself.
5. So far, your one and only play. But you crushed that. Well done, kiddo.
6. You've learned to handle your anxiety. It's still there and it still sucks, but self love is a process and you can make a phone call without actually vomiting. You've learned your strength and found people who don't treat you like shit. I'm proud of you.
7. Dude, that 30 Rock ending sucked. The good news? You've found more shows with more endings. You've cried over finales and cried over premieres. And TV only gets better.
8. Music's great.
9. You're not busy. I mean, you are, but you're really not. It only gets worse and you're gonna love it.
10. You still procrastinate. It's why you're writing this now. And, yeah, there's some deep-seeded failures and anxiety around this and it's unhealthy and terrible and whatever, but you're good. It all turns out okay.
11. You're still writing. Some real boring stuff, but some real fun stuff. You're pretty good at it, too. Thanks for putting in the work on that one.
12. You learn. God damnit do you reflect. And you're learning more and more each day, about yourself and about your friends and about everyone around you. Learning is fun you little nerd.
13. Yeah, TFIOS changed your life but honestly it sucks. So, settle down. I mean, I'm glad you're passionate and all, but find something better.
14. Boredom is a fact of life, but you've definitely got that figured out. We're staying busy. Even boredom teaches us.
15. Thanks for recognizing this. Simple stuff rocks.
16. You're about to find better people than you could've possibly imagined. People who will challenge you and teach you and love you and accept you. They. Will. Accept. You. They know you and they love you. Imagine that.
17. Neutrals rock. But so do colors. Buy some blue. Buy some florals.
18. The years to come are scary and things change and everything gets flipped upside down, but it all works out. You're going to find amazing people and experience amazing things and you're going to be amazing.
19. Remember that you have a lot of pain in your life and that's okay. It's not okay that it happened, but it's okay to think about it. It's okay to share that. It's okay. It's all okay. And the shit that you went through, terrible as it is, that shaped you. It made you kinder. It made you more patient. It made you more understanding and more open and more okay. I'm so infinitely proud of you.
20. We'll never stop talking about TV.
I'm so grateful for that work you put in and for the things you've taught me. I know right now hurts and I know you're hiding that. I know you don't think that you can go on and I know that you're holding that so tight inside yourself it feels like you're going to combust. But good news: you don't. You're still here. You're still you. You still tell dumb jokes and watch too much TV. You still spend too much time on the internet and you're still not really sure. But you're doing okay. You're going to be okay.