Epilogue

I feel as though I am a fairly self aware person, so this whole blogging thing was not too difficult for me. I know how I feel most of the time. However, the knowledge that people would be reading my thoughts made me a little apprehensive about going all out with some of my posts. I feel like one of the biggest things I learned through this blogging experience is that I do care what people say about me, even though I might not admit it. This does not mean I am going to change myself to fit into whatever role people want me to be in, but I esteem the opinions of others to some capacity.
I would like to reduce the amount of overall anxiety in my life. I do not know that this is something that will happen any time soon, but it is a long term goal to work on.
One of the hardest subjects for me to write about is myself. I often feel like I am too close to the picture to get an accurate idea about what is really going on in my life. This blogging experience has allowed me to reflect a lot, which is helpful in order for one to know themselves.
Hesitant- Before I do something I plan out exactly what I will do and ponder what the outcome will be. Even when I know there won't be negative results, I worry something will go wrong.
Sassy- I can be fairly sassy, so much so in fact, when I asked for a word that summed me up, one of my peers offered the word.
Weird- I feel like any example of this would eliminate all meaning of it, so I will leave it at this.

A Fine Line

Bad:

1. Anxiety: Phone, Social, anything dealing with the Future.
2. I am too hard on myself.
3. I procrastinate.
4. I complain quite a bit.
5. I have terrible handwriting.
6. I know a lot about TV.
7. I don't know how to accept compliments.
8. I don't voice my emotions. If I am actually upset about something I don't tell people.
9. I have a tendency to be insensitive to other's emotions.
10. I finished the bad column before I was a third of the way done with the good.

Good:

1. I can take a joke.
2. I don't surround myself with people I don't want to be around.
3. I am of average intelligence or higher.
4. I have good taste in books, TV, movies, et cetera.
5. I value people.
6. I know a lot about TV.
7. I am a decent cook.
8. I am open-minded.
9. I am spontaneous. For example, I started typing this without an example of how I am spontaneous.
10. I know when to be serious and when to crack a joke.

Valuable Lessons

1.) Every single person you encounter in life knows something you don't and has something in their life and past that is probably worth collapsing to the ground in an uncontrollably sobbing heap over, so be nice to each other and tell good jokes.

2.) There are always going to be people who focus on the negative and point it out to you. You have to ask yourself "is this person between me and what I want to do?" If the answer is no, ignore them completely. Do not surround yourself with this negativity and don't let it define you.

3.) Do not surround yourself with apathy. Passion is a dying element in our society and having it is important.

4.) Procrastinating isn't completely bad. Working under pressure is how some people do their best work.

5.) It's okay to be bat at math. Everyone has things they're good at and things they're bad at.

6.) Being different is not wrong.

7.) Two people can just not like each other, sometimes for seemingly no reason. Don't dwell on the relationships that don't work, but rather spend time improving those that do.

8.) There is a classification of people known as geeks. These people are some of the coolest people you will ever meet. Don't let the label scare you.

9.) The mentality that everyone who is not exactly like you is a toxic mentality to have, and those with that mentality are not people to surround yourself or emulate.

10.) The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones that do.

11.) Enjoying things you like is not wasting your life. Enjoying things is the exact opposite of wasting your life. I don’t care if what you like to do is stare at digital clocks or ceiling fans. Immersing yourself in your interests cannot be measured in value.

Creating A List and Checking It Twice

People who have influenced me

1. My mom
2. My grandpa
3. Mrs. Charles
4. My brother
5. Tina Fey
6. Amy Poehler
7. Georgie (my Texan best friend)

Places that make me happy

1. My room
2. Hawaii
3. This spot on our property that's secluded and peaceful in a way that I can't describe
4. New York
5. My grandparents' house
6. Megan's house
7. The Internet

Places I would like to go

1. New York
2. Ireland
3. Greece
4. Chicago
5. Alaska
6. The moon
   
7. Rome
   

Things in people that I like

1. Intelligence
2. Passion
3. Eloquence
4. Effervescence
5. Simplicity
6. Sass
7. A good laugh
8. Wittiness
9. Eccentricity
   

Things in people that I dislike

1. Ignorance
2. Arrogance
3. Apathy
4. Chronic Lateness
5. Prejudice
6. Misogyny
7. Closed mindedness 
8. Hypocrites, though even writing that is slightly acting upon the word

Things that worry me

1. Talking on the phone
2. The inequality still present in the "Land of the Free"
3. Ordering food at restaurants
4. Sounding like an ignoramus
5. The lack of caring present in society
6. Season finales
7. NBC having the power to cancel my shows
8. Being more invested in a relationship that the other person
9. People like Marcum.

Things I would like to know how to do

1. Draw
2. Convey my ideas in a way that makes sense to others
3. Socially function like a normal person
4. Improv
5. Play the piano
6. Photoshop
7. Write a screenplay
   

Things that have moved me

1. The Chuck Series finale
2. The Fault In Our Stars
3. NBC
4. This Picture
5. The talks I have with Georgie
6.  Community
7. If this question is supposed to be literal, then my parents

Ideas that intrigue me 

1. Male privilege
2. Everyone is looking for a magic solution to their problem but they all refuse to believe in magic.
3. There are 7 billion people in the world and out of all of them, there are people who choose to be around me
4. How much punctuation can change a sentence
5. Everyone on this planet has experienced different things and all react differently to them
6. SciFi shows and movies
7. The endlessness of the Universe and the fact that in all of it I was put here
   

My personal favorites 

1. TV,  in case you hadn't already guessed that
2. Sweater weather
3. Disney movies
4. Fairy tales, especially those with a bit of a different take than the original (think Once Upon a Time)
5. Space
6. Mean Girls
7. John Green
8. Indie Music

Gone But Never Forgotten

1. I'm worried that I've screwed something up for you. I'm truly sorry if this is the case. I worry about everything though, so I wouldn't look too much into it.
2. I'm currently planning to be a writer or an actress for TV. If this hasn't worked out, I understand.
3. I grow more and more in love with the idea of New York City every day. 
4. I have no clue where I am going to college or what I will do there. Hopefully by now you've figured that out.
5. I'm currently preparing for a play, which is really fun. I hope you've done more of that.
6. I have severe anxiety. I hope you've figured that out.
7. I really like TV. 30 Rock ended a few months ago, I am sure you remember what that was like.
8. I love music. I am almost positive you haven't forgotten that, but if you have here's your reminder.
9. I am super busy all of the time. I can only wish that you've gotten that out of your system. Being home once in awhile is nice and I hope you're able to do that.
10. You are a procrastinator because of me, and I apologize for that. I've expected too much of myself these past 11 years in school, and when I can't achieve that, I become disheartened and now I have a tendency to put off that failure as long as possible. Maybe you've grown out of that, but I think it's a safe bet that you haven't.
11. I love to write. Hopefully you have not abandoned that desire.
12. I hope you continue to learn from every experience you have. 
13. Remember The Fault in Our Stars. It has taught me a lot about life in general and it has been a big part of your life.
14. Boredom is useless. This is such a big world and you haven't seen any of it really.
15. Don't forget how beautiful simplicity is. Little things make life worth living.
16. Remember to watch people. Little things they do can help you learn so much about them, and that's a wonderful thing.
17. You currently wear a lot of neutral colors. Whites and greys make up a lot of your wardrobe.
18. In 2013, you were nervous about all of the years to come. Hopefully you have grown out of that.
19. Remember that everyone has something in their life and past that is probably worth collapsing to the ground in an uncontrollably sobbing heap over, so be nice to each other and tell good jokes.
20. You quote a lot of TV. Please tell me you haven't changed that.

Never Say Goodbye

Goodbye is one of the most heartbreaking words a person can say. In fact, even though the common farewell in France is au revoir, they also use “vous manquez de moi” as a common way to say goodbye, which means “you are missing from me.” Which I think is a very true representation of why goodbye is such a hard thing to say. To be separated from someone important to you is never easy.

The hardest farewell that I have ever experienced was actually a time I did not say goodbye at all. My grandpa had been feeling under the weather for a few weeks before my grandma finally took him to the hospital. It was no big deal really, the doctors told my family that they just wanted to keep him over night to double check and make sure everything was okay. Early that morning, my grandma got a call that they had moved my grandpa to a new floor, but the details were not shared. When they went to the hospital that day, the elevator doors opened to the words “Intensive Care Unit.”

My dad called me out of school that day to drive to Springfield with my brother. We still were not really sure what was going on, just that my grandpa had taken a turn for the worst that night.

When we finally arrived, the ICU was closed. For the first few hours, we joined my family in the waiting room until we could go in. When we were able to go in, my brother, dad, and I visited with my grandpa for only a few short minutes. I do not remember a lot from that conversation, but I do remember one thing he said to me. He told me not to give up what I love. I feel like this is a fitting example of my relationship with my grandpa. He always encouraged what I love, even when I did not think I could do it.

As we were leaving, I remember smiling through tears that threatened to spill as I said, “See you later, Grandpa.” Had I known that those would have been my last words to the man that meant so much to my life, I would have made them better. I would have told him how much I appreciated the support he was for me, the laughter he brought to my life, and most importantly I would have thanked him for being the most wonderful grandpa a girl could ask for.

That is the thing about goodbyes though; you never know when they will be permanent. The fact that you might never see someone again is a hard thing to accept, and I think that is why goodbye is so hard. The dooming sense of permanency is one that is incredibly difficult to handle. So even though he is missing from me, I will see my grandpa later, and that makes all of this just a little bit easier.

In Other Words

"Try to keep your mind open to possibilities and your mouth closed on matters that you don't know about. Limit your 'always' and your 'nevers.' Continue to share your heart with people even if it has been broken. Don't treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used. And don't try to give me that nerd argument that your heart is a Batman with a limited-edition silver bat-erang and therefore if it stays in its original packing it increases in value."

-Amy Poehler

“If your dreams don't scare you, they are not big enough."

-Lowell Lundstrom

When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question:"Is this person in between me and what do I want to do?" If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you're in charge, don't hire the people who were jerky to you.

-Tina Fey

“It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.”

-Tina Fey

“Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something.”

-H. Jackson Brown

"A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for."

-William Shedd

“Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing."

-Snow White (Once Upon A Time) 

"Everyone wants some magical solution to their problem and everyone refuses to believe in magic."

-Mad Hatter (Once Upon A Time) 

"Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't."

-Bill Nye

“'I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.'” 

-Louis C.K.

"Our religion, laws, customs, are all founded on the belief that woman was made for man.” 

-Elizabeth Cady Stanton

“My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.”

-Augustus Waters The Fault in Our Stars

“Without pain, how could we know joy?' This is an old argument in the field of thinking about suffering and its stupidity and lack of sophistication could be plumbed for centuries but suffice it to say that the existence of broccoli does not, in any way, affect the taste of chocolate.”

-The Fault in Our Stars

 

 

 

Synetics

Which is wiser? a pen or pencil? 
A pencil is not permanent, and is easily altered when errors occur. For this reason, I chose a pencil as being the wiser.
Which is more fearful? new or old? 
I can see this going both ways, but for me at least, new is scarier. Those with a past they want to forget would probably choose the latter though. I think new is scarier because it is the unknown and that freaks me out a little bit.
Which is more difficult? a dream or a nightmare? 
Reality can be rather cruel. Dreams are more difficult because they remind one of how much reality sucks.
Which is braver? an hour or a year? 
An hour and a year can both change an entire life, but it's easier to undergo that change in a span of 365 days than one hour. For this reason, an hour is braver, because it's very sudden.
Which has more pride? an entrance or an exit? 
I think an exit has more pride in it. It is harder to enter something than to exit.
Which is more suspenseful? rain or snow? 
I think snow is more suspenseful. Snow covers things up and hides what's going on. Rain is suspenseful in its own right, but snow is more so.
Which is more useful? a friend or an enemy? 
Depending on your level of ability to be conniving, or lack thereof, both a friend and an enemy can be useful. However, if you play your cards right, and enemy can be of more us than a friend.
Which is more trustworthy? history or literature? 
Both history and literature are incredibly important. One teaches you about yourself, the other teaches about past. As far as facts go, history is more trustworthy because they're what history is composed of.
Which is sadder? seek or find? 
Finding something is a road coming to an end, but also a goal achieved. It's very bittersweet, but I think it's probably the sadder of the two. Seeking something doesn't really come with any negatives.
Which costs more? a home or a house?
A house costs more. A home is somewhere that's comfortable; it's a place where the rest of the world is forgotten, and that is priceless.

Unfinished Sentences

1. I usually worry about everything. I have self-diagnosed myself with anxiety, because all of the symptoms fit. I worry about asking teachers things, talking to people, looking like an idiot, ordering food at restaurants, whether or not I'll succeed in the future, and so many other things.

2. I feel angry when people are unnecessarily rude to others. I can be fairly outspoken which is sometimes taken for rudeness, but when it's completely unnecessary it just pisses me off. Respect is an element lacking in our society today, and the amount is dwindling still.

3. I’m moody when I have been around people too much. There are certain things that completely drain me, like crying and socializing, and when I have done too much of either, I get really grouchy. It's something I need to work on.

4. I’m happiest when I am reading. Escaping to another world allows me to leave my own, and that makes me happy.

5. I feel confident when I know a lot about something. I am sure it's some sort of complex, but knowing more about something than someone else makes me happy that I can teach that person something. Sometimes it comes off as arrogance, but I really like being able to pass on what I know.

6. I feel frustrated when trying to get someone to see my point of view and they refuse to even look. Closed-mindedness angers me. I firmly believe that everyone we meet in this world has lived their own life and knows something you don't, so don't just ignore what they have to say.

7. I feel depressed when I am alone. I have this weird ability to forget everything that's going on in my life when people are around, but when they're gone I remember and I become incredibly depressed.

8. I am comfortable when I am alone. I know that based off of my last answer this doesn't make much sense, but somehow they're both accurate. I guess it's because I don't have walls up when I'm alone, and that's easier?

9. I feel nervous when I am around a lot of people that I do not know. Talking to new people isn't my strong suit, and I become incredibly awkward when trying to converse with them.

10. I feel sentimental when I think about growing up with my brother. Looking back, we had a lot of adventures together, and whether he reciprocates that feeling or not, I will always cherish the fun we had growing up.

Metaphorical Definitions

Intelligence is a Siberian Tiger.
Hope is a window in an otherwise dark and empty room.
Peace is a wide open field and a notebook.
Life is a circle.
Joy is a child's laugh.
Contentedness is my family's music.
Freedom is the wind grazing my hand as I drive with my window down.
Stress is a boulder above you, the rope threatening to break.
Procrastination is a bowl of Chinese food.
Anxiety is an ugly pair of shoes.
Ignorance is pollution.
Music is a warm embrace from a trusted friend.
Comedy is a fire escape.
Happiness is a day with only sitcoms.
Equality is a distant finish line.

Sensory Experience

See:
The foamy blue waves crashing onto the sand below my feet.
Cloudless blue sky, only ending to  meet the darker blue of the ocean miles away.
Two pigeons arguing over a French fry, long abandoned by its original owner.
Hear:
The sizzling sound of the tiny water bubbles popping as the recede back into the endless expanse of ocean before me.
The high pitched squeal of laughter from the family next to us, splashing each other in the water.
The blare of music from a nearby teenagers vehicle, creating a very movie-like atmosphere.
Taste:
The pineapple my mother bought, sweeter than I have ever tasted.
The saltiness of the water that got in my mouth as I was swimming, still lingering long after.
 The persistent taste of coconut water, which is really disgusting by the way.
Touch:
The soft sand beneath my feet, pushing up between my toes.
The soft lap of waves, covering my feet.
The warm sun, shining on my face, tanning me slowly with its rays.
Smell:
The specific aroma of sunscreen, lathered on the skin of tourists.
A plate lunch, complete with macaroni salad, which is actually just mayonnaise and macaroni noodles.
The ocean, which has this indescribable scent.

Extended Metaphors

If I were a musical instrument, I would be a keyboard because its abilities are extremely diverse. I have always dabbled in a bunch of things, never really exceling at anything. It’s difficult to explain exactly how, but when I think of this, I think of a keyboard. Like a keyboard, I have many different settings for different people. Along with this, I am better when I am paired with some people than with others. Around the right person, I am a flawless Ride of the Valkyrie, while with others I am a poor rendition of Mary Had A Little Lamb, which is a metaphor that made sense in my head but doesn’t exactly work when written down.



If I were a type of building, I would be a skyscraper, because while I'm down to Earth, I also have high dreams. As cornball as it sounds, I live fairly realistically, but my aspirations are much higher. I am firmly rooted in the Missouri present, but my future lays elsewhere, hopefully a big city. I want to write, and that’s not exactly a realistic career choice. While I have these goals, I also realize that a backup plan is a wise thing to have, so I won’t fall on my face.



If I were a comic book character, I would be I would be Captain America because even though he will fight, he doesn't like it. He does it because that's his duty and he's fighting for what he loves. Even in defending what he loves, he doesn’t use a weapon. I think the symbolism in the fact that he uses a shield says a lot about him as a character. Also he doesn’t really understand modern culture and neither do I.

Symbolic Recipe

2 c. wittiness

3 dashes of intelligence

1 c. awkwardness, and not in the cutesy way

2 c. anxiety

2 T. self-deprecating humor

1 tsp. effervescence

1 c. insight

A sprinkle of eloquence

A hint of bitingly mean remarks, which I always accidentally add too much of

1 c. introvertedness

1 c. extravertedness

1 ½ c. imagination

In a pasty-white bowl, combine wittiness, intelligence, and the capability to be bitingly mean together. Blend until mixture creates one you want to roll your eyes at. Let sit for a few hours, until the mixture is comfortable around you. Add in awkwardness, anxiety, introvertedness, and self-deprecating humor to make the mixture incapable of functioning like a normal mixture.

When the combined ingredients have blended thoroughly, add a sprinkle of eloquence, insight, effervescence, and extravertedness just to throw people off. Spread thinly on a cookie sheet, because this mixture has to half-ass a lot of things.

Top with imagination and serve.

Yields a 5’6”, sarcastic but awkward, yellow-haired waffle lover.

Personal Metaphors

If I were an animal, I would be Wishbone the Jack Russell Terrier because I like stories.

If I were a car, I would be a Volkswagen beetle because I can only worry about a few people at a time.

If I were an article of clothing, I would be a thong because I make everyone uncomfortable.

If I were a day of week, I would be Wednesday because I'm just kinda there, stuck in the middle.

If I were a food, I would be a waffle because I'm sweet under the right conditions (syrup.)  

If I were a color, I would be grey because I'm fairly neutral and non-emotional.

If I were a movie, I would be I would be a slow, indie film, in which the protagonist doubles as the antagonist.

If I were a fragrance, I would be I would be Red from Bath and Body Works, because according to my pal, Whitzo, it's more mature and sticks around for a long time.

If I were a type of building, I would be a skyscraper, because while I'm down to Earth, I also have high dreams.

If I were a plant, I would be a tree because I seem like nothing can get to me, but if you cut deep enough, I won't recover. Which sounds really depressing, I'm sorry.

If I were a musical instrument, I would be a keyboard because its abilities are extremely diverse.

If I were a geometric shape, I would be a square because it's hip to be one.

If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a recliner because I'm pretty lax. 

If I were a song, I would be "I Love to Laugh" from Mary Poppins, because, well, I like laughter.

If I were an appliance, I would be a stove because it takes a lot to get me heated, but when I do I will burn anything close.

If I were a television character, I would be a combination of Abed Nadir from Community, Liz Lemon from 30 Rock, and Ron Swanson and April Ludgate from Parks and Recreation. Abed is a TV guy and understands a lot about it, Liz is a writer and extremely flustered all of the time, Ron likes bacon, and April dislikes people.

If I were a season of the year, I would be Winter because I like cozy things and Winter is cozy.

If I were a natural phenomenon, I would be the Monarch butterfly migration because I am *sarcastic tone* simply awe-inspiring.

I I were a comic book character, I would be I would be Captain America because even though he will fight, he doesn't like it. He does it because that's his duty and he's fighting for what he loves.

If I were a word, I would be whimsical because I'm fairly bizarre.

The Ultimate All-Purpose Excuse

Let us assume, for the sake of this post, that I do things other than work, school, and staying home. Otherwise, it will never work. I never really do anything that I need to make that big of an excuse for, but if I did, I would probably do some careful planning beforehand. See, I have always been a little devious; I am just fairly quiet about it. So, when I did get caught being a conniving, little brat, I generally just shut up. I have learned from many a punishment from home that making excuses is hardly ever the better option, unless you have a foolproof one.

In assuming the role of a “normal teenager,” the first thing that comes to mind is sneaking out of the house, something I have never done, nor do I plan on it. If my mom ever caught me trying to run off in the middle of the night, I would probably never leave the house again, which really is not a punishment, but she does not know that. However, if I deployed a familiar tactic that has worked well in the past, I feel as though my punishment would decrease in severity. Ya’ see, my mom thinks that my friend, Megan, is the epitome of an angel child. I can recall many lectures where her name is brought up; comparing my actions to those Megan would have taken. I have learned over the years to use this to my own advantage. “But, Mom, Megan is going.” Or “Megan’s mom is fine with her doing this.” Now, it does not always work in my favor, but I would safely estimate that the percentage of success is roughly 93%.

So, in a situation in which I was caught leaving the house in the middle of the night, I think I would tell my mom something about Megan calling in tears saying she needed someone to talk to and that I responded telling her I would be right there, and obviously I can’t just leave her hanging mom, she is my friend and she needs me.

It is not much of an excuse, but I have found that simplicity is the best option when telling a lie. When things get too complex, they either fall apart completely or, in rare cases, are completely believed. Generally, I would choose to tell my mom why I was leaving, because I would not without a good reason, but if the opportunity arose, I think this would be the method I would choose.

What's In a Name?

I have often received weird looks when introducing myself to new people, “Huh, Bayless,” they wonder aloud, “what a unique name…” they trail off in thought. At work once, a guy looked at my name tag and asked “Is that your real name?” Immediately I thought that one of my coworkers had found the label maker and put something stupid on my tag. Alas, he continued his thought with “Bayless, I’ve never heard that name before.” I have learned to take these comments in humor, always telling the commenters that I shall tell my mom they send their congratulations on her originality.

Though it is not a common name, I regret to inform you, dear reader, that the story behind it is not as interesting as one might hope. My grandmother, whom I call Nanny, had no brothers to pass on her maiden name of, you guessed it, Bayless. So, my mom thought it would be a fitting name for me. The fun part of the story is that I would have been a Bayless whether I was a boy or a girl. I thank meiosis every day that it made me a girl.

My middle name is not my own either. My mom took it from the Ks in her brothers’ and father’s name. Two Kenneths and a Grant K. gave me my middle name of McKayla. My mom was going to just make it “Kayla” but that sounds weird, so she added a Mc.

My last name is not uncommon, but is somehow mispronounced and misspelled constantly. For years I put up with being called Bayless Thomas, or having the T-h make a th sound. It is a hard T, people!

Until about fifth grade I went by Baylee; Bayless is not exactly fitting for an elementary aged kid. The transition between the two names was gradual, and eventually everyone was calling me Bayless. I still answer to Baylee, of course, and I probably always will. What is weird is that when some people call me Baylee it sounds funny, especially those who usually call me Baylee. However, when my mom calls me Bayless, it means I have done something bad.

I think my name suits me well. Haley does too. She says it is unique, like I am. I happen to agree with her; I would never want to be anyone other than Bayless McKayla.

Likes & Dislikes

Likes:

• The concept of TV in general. It's hard to explain, but the idea of television fascinates me.
• I really enjoy NBC comedies. The big four are 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Community, and The Office, but I also enjoy classics like Frasier and F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
• Fantasy shows like Once Upon a Time and Doctor Who. It's nice to be able to immerse yourself in a different world and to think "what if this were real?"
• Pinterest. It's a wonderful distraction from actual work that I need to do.
• Netflix is something I believe was invented in the heavens and I am thankful for it every day.
• Intelligence without arrogance.
• Blogging. Not necessarily this blog, though it is a little enjoyable, but actual blogging where I can vent and post things I like.
• Smart comedy. I like to have to watch something a couple of times to catch everything. It keeps stuff fresh.
• Tattoos with a story.
• Feminism. I feel this one requires a longer explanation than I can provide.
• Ice Cream, because it is like sweet heavenly thickened nectar.
• John Green novels, specifically, The Fault In Our Stars. Never have I cried so much while reading a book.
• The combination of the colors Mint and Cream.
• Waffles with whipped cream. De-lic-ious.
• Tennis is probably my favorite sport and I love playing it with my dad.
• Cancelled plans. I feel a wave of relief every time someone backs out on something, unless it's school related. Then it just pisses me off.

Dislikes:

• The laziness behind the misuse of your/you're and too/to/two. Really people, it's not that hard to use the right word!
• I know this isn't a popular opinion but: The show "The Big Bang Theory" as well as "Two and A Half Men." I wish I could put into words how angry I get when these shows get high ratings when their jokes are flimsy and lazy.
• The prevalence of ignorance today.
• When public places don't have Wi-Fi.
• Slow internet connections that cause my streaming to be unquality.
• Poorly written shows with bad characters and terrible plot lines.
• The term "real fan." A fan is a fan is a fan, and no one has the authority to tell you you're not a fan of something.
• Incorrect grammar. Its not to awful hard too right good.
• Blatantly homophobic statements with no value other than bullying gay people. It's fine if you don't believe that it's right, but being cruel is never acceptable.
• The fact that as a nation we are debating on whether basic human rights should be given to minorities and those less privileged.
• Touchy-feely people who freely hug those around them. I don't want your arms around me, nor did I ask for you to place them there.
• Feelings-y people who share how they feel with anyone and everyone. I've always kept how I feel to myself, and I would appreciate if others would take the same approach when speaking to me.
• Chocolate Ice Cream. It's bitter and gross and just now.
• People who don't think Mean Girls is the best movie ever made.
• The limit does not exist for the amount of hatred I feel towards math, even if it is the same in every language.
• Black licorice, because it's truly disgusting.

Prologue

I have never really been all that great at talking about myself, as evidenced by the post you are about to read. For that, I am deeply sorry. I hope you can manage to bear with me as we struggle through this post together.

The objective of this post is for you, the reader, to get to know me better. I think one of the most important things you should know about me is that this makes me extremely uncomfortable. I do not like for people to see beyond the wall I put up, and when I have to write or talk about myself, those walls are lowered. I am really fine with whatever people think about me, as cliché as it sounds, because I know that I don’t let them see who I am when they are not around. But I guess, for the purpose of this post (and my grade,) I’ll tell you a little about myself.

Let’s just start from the beginning, folks: I was raised in a little ol’ town in Missouri. When I was about four, my parents decided they wanted to move to an even smaller town, the home town of my mom, my mom’s mom, and my mom’s mom’s mom. They bought some land about a quarter of a mile away from my grandma’s house, and for the entire time they were building it, we lived on a bus in my grandma’s front yard. The origin of that bus is another 500 words in itself, but I’ll sum it up as best I can: My family, well my mom, her two brothers, and her parents, were a traveling bluegrass band, renowned throughout the Midwest. On weekends they would travel to Iowa, or Minnesota, or Illinois, playing music. In order to travel to these places, they had a bus with four beds, a recliner, and a futon, complete with a kitchen and the worst toilet ever. I guess it wasn’t as long of a story as I thought…

So anyway, we lived on a bus for roughly a year. The four of us were miserable inside the cramped space, but it was home and it provided us with plenty of memories. When the house was finally finished, we abandoned the bus we grew to love and loathe, and moved into the two-story house that my parent’s had built. That house will always be home to me. It holds the memories of playing war with my brother in the woods, the sound of laughter as we played football on a wet trampoline (which I do not encourage, especially if you do not enjoy losing the use of your left arm for a few months,) and the reminiscence of a simpler time. The memories aren't all good though; this was the house we lived in when my parents decided to get a divorce, which was a pretty heartbreaking thing. For the most part, I'm over it now, but sometimes the pain of that event hits me again.

I was always an imaginative youngster, writing stories and acting out scenes from books. In hindsight, I was pretty weird. I spent much of my time alone and enjoyed it. My brother was probably my closest friend, though I've never told him so. That's another big part of me: I don't tell people things. I like to keep how I feel to myself. Which, I guess, is a pretty good note to end this prologue of my life story on. I wanted to recall happier events in my life, and recently it doesn’t seem like there have been any, and I wouldn’t want to bore you with tales of my teenage years.

Yo Tengo Una Pregunta.

Thomas Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence that "all men are created equal." Do you feel as though this is something America holds to be "self-evident" in today's society? Are all men, and women, no matter what their race, creed, or orientation, treated equally? If not, what ways could we as a society change this? Should we?

A Generation For Change

Our generation is not exactly renowned for its work ethic. However, every generation has things they need to do in order for the next to be able to do what they need to. Had the Wright brothers sat on their butts and chose not to build their idea for a flying contraption, we probably would not have the airplanes we use every day. If Alexander Graham Bell had not invented the telephone, our generation would not have the present danger that is texting and driving. Much like these fellows who have shaped our society today, it is our job, and really the job of every generation, to make a path for those who are to follow us.

I do not think any generation really knows what their job will be until it presents itself clearly. It is hard to see the big picture when you’re too close to it. We can look back on previous ages and say, “Oh, yeah, that was what that age group did and this is how it affects us now.” But when one is trying to figure that out in regards to one’s own life, it is incredibly difficult to see what exactly that thing is.

There is not a doubt in my mind that our generation will come up with cool gadgets and new inventions, but I think the most important thing we can do, really the most important thing any generation can do is change society as a whole. In 100 years, the iPhone 10 will be that ancient collectible that your grandma pulls out of the closet for family get-togethers that causes everyone to groan (because really grandma, we’ve all seen this 17 times by now.) Our legacy will be the advances we made towards humanity, not the technological hurdles we have leaped over. Frankly, I am a little concerned that our generation will lose sight of this. We have an unhealthy addiction with technology that will distract us from the main goal. Yes, I am using first person pronouns, because I am guilty of this too.

I do think one of the goals of our generation should to eliminate oppression in every demographic. It is 2013 and women still do not make as much as men for the exact same job. It is the 21^st century and gay people still cannot get married in all of America. Segregation has been declared unconstitutional for decades but people of color still have little representation in government bodies considering their numbers in the population. These three groups of people all have one thing in common: decisions are made for them by a majority of straight, white men. Now, these issues do not seem that big now, but look back on slavery: slave owners thought what they were doing was right too. Will future generations look back on the decisions we have made regarding these three demographics and feel the same disgust we feel towards those who owned slaves? The answer is, unfortunately, probably yes. Honestly, that makes me incredibly sad for our state as a generation and I hope to see a change of this in my lifetime.

Cats aside, where do I see myself in 10 years?

Ten years from now, who knows where I will be? All I can hope for is that in a decade, I will be satisfied with my life up to that point. Hopefully I will have a job that I enjoy, preferably something in the entertainment industry. That last part is a long shot, so I am not planning on it, I am just hoping that my life takes that path.

Even if this does not work out, I want to live in either Chicago or New York. I definitely know I do not want to live in Missouri for the rest of my life. I am glad that my roots are here and I have been blessed to have this small town shape me into who I am, but my future does not lie here. I did not feel this way until a little over a year ago. I can remember thinking when I was younger that this tiny town was where I would spend the rest of my life, even when all of my friends felt otherwise. Now, I can't wait to leave this mind-numbing place and see what the world has to offer. I want to have papaya on the beach at Virgin Gorda; I want to toast Pine Nuts at the mouth of an active volcano; I want to experience the world.

So I guess I really do not know where I will be in ten years, and I rather like the sound of that. If I knew now, I would probably screw it all up somehow. My plan for the next ten years is to just take things bird by bird and worry about situations as the come. I know this won't happen, I mean I worry about everything, but a girl can dream, right?

In A Pickle.

I have never really found myself in a pickle that I could not figure out myself. However, if such a situation did arise, I would call one of two people: my mom or my best friend, Megan. 

My mom and I argue quite a bit and we do not always see eye to eye, but I know no matter what, if I needed her, she would be there in a heartbeat to help me out. I don't always open up to my mom and I tend to shut her out, but I know if the time came for me to need her help, she would not hesitate to be there.

Megan has been my best friend since first grade. We have been through it all together- divorce, death, dating- and we have both been made stronger by these experiences. I know that if I called her at any hour for any reason, she would listen. We've had our share of arguments, some more serious than others, but we have overcome all of them and have left them in the past.

I guess the common theme here is that both of these people have stuck around, even when I probably wouldn't have had the roles been reversed.

Bleep blorp boop ptang zee?

I think it would be completely ignorant and perhaps even a little arrogant to think that in the endless universe, our planet is the only one with life. From a scientific standpoint, the probability of another planet having the right conditions for beings to thrive is so high that it is next to impossible that something is not living there. From a religious standpoint, the thought that God took enough time to create the Earth and put enough thought into how to make it perfect, would it not only make sense that he did the same with another planet?

Maybe that planet does not have life that science fiction has deemed as “alien,” but I think there is life out there beyond our little Earth. They might not have UFOs or green skin with antennas, but I think it would be extremely naïve to believe that we are all there is. There are countless galaxies, innumerable planets, and inestimable opportunities for life to exist and to think that in all of this, only one planet, in one galaxy has life is frankly conceited. Plus, how cool would it be if you had a doppelganger in another galaxy?

Of Vacation and Relaxation

If money was no issue and I could go anywhere in my last summer before college, I would spend the greater majority of it in New York. I would spend time in Central Park, walk around Times Square, tour 30 Rockefeller Plaza, look at the Statue of Liberty, see at least one Broadway show, attend the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre every Sunday night, and hopefully develop a New York accent. I would sample the flavors of street side food carts and dine in the finest restaurants Manhattan has to offer. It is a fantastic city and I hope to live there someday, so this would be a good first experience there. Yes, New York would definitely be a stop on my summer before college.
Whether my summer is beginning or ending in the Big Apple, I have not decided yet. What I do know is that I will also be flying back to Hawaii to enjoy some time with my family before I leave the nest. I want to relax by the waves while my family scuba dives. I want to experience again the aromas of the food of the island and enjoy the people around me. The street performers were something I really thought was awesome while I was there, and I want to see them one more time. I would of course get some of the delicious coconut shrimp that I had the first night we were there before; it’s the best food I have ever had in my life and I’d love to have it a second time.
For the last few days of my summer, I would relax at home, watching my favorite shows on Netflix and taking a break before this new journey. It sounds like a bummer way to end a summer full of fun, but to me that is the perfect way to end it.